Since I started this blog two years ago, I'd always had the idea of doing a countdown of NFL uniforms in order of their general aesthetic appeal. Due to my laziness and the worldwide leader stealing my totally novel idea of ranking things, I probably won't be doing that (One sentence column: my top three would be Colts, 49ers, and Bucs, while the bottom three would all be the Vikings).
However, I had another idea a couple of weeks ago. I happened to be sitting around watching college football all day, and had the thought that maybe I could be a little more ambitious with my original idea. I watch much more of the college game, and play much more NCAA than Madden, so it only makes sense to talk about what I know (which, in this case, is clothes I guess). Of course, I don't get the chance to watch as many South Alabama games as I would like, but luckily, we live in the era of Google.
A couple of general guidelines for this completely subjective exercise:
1. I will mainly be judging on teams' normal home uniforms. I will attempt to be as up-to-date as possible with what teams are wearing, but I probably won't be perfect.
2. That being said, road and alternate uniforms will be considered. Most teams who try alternate uniforms have made a poor choice and will be downgraded accordingly.
3. Tradition will play a role in the ratings. If a school has had a uniform forever, then they'll probably get a few bonus points. There's still plenty of room for newcomers in the top part of the rankings, however.
That is all. Now to the fun part. Fun being a relative word since these are the worst uniforms.
#124 - Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets
There are more garish uniforms in the game right now, but nothing subtly digs at me over the course of a game more than Georgia Tech's new monstrosities. Tech never had the most exciting uniforms, but the old ones were at least decent. Between the honeycomb tracing on the helmet and the raindrop-looking numbers it's hard to find a patch of their uniforms that is defensible.
#123 - Tulane Green Wave
There's nothing in the design department that's really wrong here, save for the white helmets that I'm not a big fan of. The biggest problem here is a simple matching scheme: Green and baby blue probably shouldn't go together....ever. You could probably pull it off in a wedding, but that looks ridiculous on a football uniform. Shaun King would not approve.
#122 - Central Michigan Chippewas
I've never been a fan of anything on those uniforms, whether it be the logo, colors, or the striping (I really hate thin striping, as you might notice throughout this series). But then they went and released these. There's a lot of terrible black alternates out there, but that one might take the cake.
#121 - Missouri Tigers
Missouri never had a particularly great wardrobe, but their new uniforms are a massive downgrade nonetheless. The black one is probably the best, but it's not exactly facing strong competition. The helmets are a mess, and some of the wacky trim (such as the font of the numbers) is really out of place in the SEC. Too bad their play thus far has been as bad as their clothes.
#120 - UAB Blazers
Everything below the neck is fine (except for the team name's weirdly gaunt font). The reason for such a low ranking rests entirely with the worst regular helmet in the game. The straight-across UAB leaves no room for the logo, which is almost a good thing since it's pretty ugly.
#119 - Minnesota Golden Gophers
I was never much of a fan of their color scheme, nor their weirdly slanted and small "M" logo. Now, they've gone to a matte helmet (my least favorite trend in helmetry), so they end up here.
#118 - Florida Gators
As this series goes on, you'll undoubtedly notice that I typically like orange. Florida's particular shade is one of the few exceptions. There's something weirdly red about it, and it doesn't really go well with the bright blue with which it is paired. The saving grace is the script lettering on the helmet, which will pretty much always get bonus points from me. Of course, a few years ago they went and had alternates where they got rid of that part. If they still had those, they might be even further down the list.
#117 - Lousiville Cardinals
Fair warning: The Big East is not well represented in this list. Louisville takes the bottom spot because they're basically the epitome of all the things wrong with modern uniforms. There's black trim that doesn't work too well, an ugly "modern" font on the jersey, and there's the mascot logo that looks just a little too angry.
#116 - Arkansas Razorbacks
Roughly half of the teams in the SEC have some variety of dark red/maroon, and Arkansas' is the least impresive. The "Razorbacks" down the side of the legs is silly, and the razorback logo is pretty uninspiring. Just blah.
#115 - Maryland Terrapins
While Arkansas may be blah, Maryland is anything but. Most people would probably rank the Terps lower, but I at least give them credit for trying to make use of the great Maryland flag. They could maybe take a lesson from the Ravens though, who use it in a way that isn't ridiculous.
#114 - Oklahoma State Cowboys
Oklahoma State has rolled out a few different uniforms in the last couple of years. The orange and black duds aren't all that bad. However, they are responsible for the single worst helmet I've seen. The matte actually works OK with the black helmets, but it just looks like the essence of "gloomy, cloudy day" with the grey. Plus grey and orange is just a bizarre combination.
#113 - Ball State Cardinals
We're starting to enter the set of uniforms that are no longer spectacularly bad. Most of the next 20 or so suffer from trying to look too "modern." The black trim on the pants is a prime example of that. Plus, the helmet logo looks like a high school design project gone awry.
#112 - UNLV Rebels
More grey helmets. Boring logo. Odd choice with the double stripe on the arm. Instead of being ranked #112 for being garish (like you would expect something from Las Vegas to be), they get ranked here for lack of inspiration.
#111 - Cincinnati Bearcats
I appreciate the dedication to the bearcat theme, but both the logo and the little scratches on the leg don't look great. All-black uniforms are possible to pull off, but it's a delicate balance due to the over-saturation of such a design. You have to make them distinct, while avoiding the cutesy things that Cincinnati doesn't avoid.
#110 - Texas Tech Red Raiders
Similar failure as Cincinnati, except Tech is a spot higher for not having the scratches. Perfect example of why black uniforms can be boring, too.
#109 - Nex Mexico State Aggies
An oddly plain helmet font dooms the Aggies in my rankings. They also sport those random half-stripe things on their sleeves, much like Oklahoma State. At least they seem to have gotten rid of those terrible leg stripes this year.
#108 - Eastern Michigan Eagles
There's nothing offensive about these uniforms; they're just incredibly boring. There's just a big E on the helmets and nothing else to speak of. Hopefully the ugly alternates they rolled out for the Michigan State game don't become a regular thing. Even if they do, I don't plan on watching too many EMU games, so I guess it will all work out.
#107 - Arkansas State Red Wolves
Your nickname is the Red Wolves and you go with "stAte" as your logo? Come on!
#106 - Troy Trojans
Similarly, Troy has a randomly large J on their jersey. The helmets are OK, but there isn't much else to distinguish these uniforms. Hence, they end up here.
#105 - Louisiana Lafayette Ragin Cajuns
Sorry, Sun Belt (don't worry there'll be some pretty high rankings for other members). I don't want to punish the ULL uniforms for the sins of a terrible nickname, but you don't have to display it so distinctly and yet so plainly on your helmets. It just sticks out poorly. Add that weird Georgia Tech-y trim on the pants and the sleeves, and I'm not a big fan of what's going on here. They have a nice enough logo elsewhere. A good first step towards respectability would be putting in on the helmet.
#104 - Nevada Wolfpack
Decent shade of blue, but nothing else works that well. The white trim, overly-straight font, and monotone logo all fail to impress.
#103 - Hawaii Warriors
I've never liked the helmets that much, and the rest of the uniform is surprisingly boring for a team from Hawai'i that used to be called the Rainbow Warriors.
#102 - Temple Owls
The hollowed-out T on the helmet is odd, but passable. What I can't stand is the dotted line on the pants. The Big East continues to get pummeled here, but check out those Villanova uniforms in the background....those will be a good pickup.
#101 - Arizona State Sun Devils
I'm actually a big fan of their really dark maroon color, but I don't like this recent redesign. The ASU on the sleeves is kind of odd, and the logo is a little garish. The old uniforms aren't the prettiest in the world, but I like the whimsy of the old logo and the contrast of the colors is a little more pronounced.
Up Next: Numbers 100-76, which include some iconic basketball uniforms that just don't translate to football, as well as a glut of bad black alternates. Don't say you weren't warned.
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